Love can be a beautiful and uplifting experience, but it can also become a source of pain if manipulation is involved. In any relationship, it’s crucial to recognize the difference between healthy love and controlling behavior. Ignoring the warning signs can lead to emotional turmoil and a loss of self-worth. This article highlights 10 critical red flags to watch for, helping you identify when a relationship may be crossing the line from love to manipulation. These were shared by people who experienced them firsthand and want to warn others about what to watch out for.
Degrading Your Interests
The most significant but highly un-noticed warning sign that many of us usually ignore. A user advised to get distanced from those who intentionally put down the little things you enjoy to demotivate you. She further added that this is the first step in slowly making you feel like everything you want is just embarrassing and making you lack confidence in yourself.
This goes for the books you read, your clothes, how you like your hair, the sports you enjoy, and much more.
Weaponized Incompetence
The term refers to an act when someone pretends they are not good at something, such as chores, so another person must do it for them. Fellow users have been advised to look for these warning signs as they play a significant role in manipulation.
Feeding You Breadcrumbs
One writer elaborates now what this means, “It means that a man shows little effort and interest in your life, and it looks like he’s simply no longer interested in pursuing you. I take it as a sign, and begin to slowly move on. He catches onto those feelings and suddenly begins to put in crazy effort and interest. I feel like ‘wow! This man has changed?!’ And try again with him only to find out he just did it because he was afraid that I left. Now I came back and the cycle repeats.”
Isolation From Friends/Family
One commenter believes that if your partner has problems with one person, it’s human nature. But, if they have issues with all of your people, that’s isolating. Isolating is a significant warning sign as it could further lead to the victim suffering from confidence issues and depression.
Further confirmed by other users, all thought that if your partner is making you distance yourself from your friends or family, it’s a big warning sign.
Comparison With Ex
Many commenters stated that this is a toxic sign to be wary of. One elaborated, “Including complaining: all the things she did “wrong” to teach you how to behave.”
Picking Fights On Essential Days
A user described her experience by saying that she didn’t even realize it was happening until after they broke up, as her ex always picked a fight right before she participated in something she was looking forward to.
However, he later claimed that he was being supportive and that she just needed to communicate better. Knowing that your partner is excited about an event and still igniting a fight or an argument with them is a red flag for obvious reasons.
Love Bombing
Some might not notice, but love bombing could be a significant warning sign in a relationship. This is how one user described it, “It’s when someone rushes into big compliments or big statements, intentionally rather than organically, to establish a false sense of connection or weight to the relationship (so that you will be swept up in emotion, less prone to leave, or just generally be more invested in the relationship).
The core logic of the love bomb is that the love bomber will make themself appear to be open and emotionally connected in the hopes that the target will trust them more and open themself emotionally. It’s often done in tandem with other manipulation tactics to make the target feel like the relationship is “unique” and “special,” and it would be a great loss to walk away.
Not everyone who is highly complimentary is love bombing, and there are some situations where someone might organically say something like “I love you” faster than you might expect or feel comfortable with. That said, be cautious anytime a partner or potential partner seems to be rushing into big, sweeping statements or if they are constantly complimenting every little thing you do. It’s not inherently bad on its own, but it should definitely put you on guard at least a little bit.”
When he / she / they say they were going to do insert cute thing for you but didn’t
One user stated, “Whether they realize or not, it’s breadcrumbing and tricks you to think they actually did do that thing. Example: I was going to bring you flowers the other day but I didn’t.” Another went on to further elaborate, “My ex did that when he was pissed at me. “Well I was going to make you xyz fancy dinner but you did abc which I took to mean (wild thing I never meant) so I just boiled some noodles instead. Help yourself.”
Lying About Other People’s Perception of You
“The most destructive thing that my ex did to hurt my self-esteem and confidence was lie to me about other people’s perception of me.
My ex and I went to the same school but different streams. He was in commerce and I was in science. We had plenty of mutual friends and separate friend groups. For example, My ex used to tell me how “the guys” thought that I was promiscuous because I was pleasant to men or how my female friends were talking behind my back because he heard it from one of the guys the girl was dating, etc.
This was my first relationship. He wasn’t treating me badly. So, I didn’t have any reason to mistrust him. I was very hurt and angry at my peers and thought how double faced they were. In retrospect, I know that it was my ex who was the snake,” one user explained.
Projection
“If they randomly start accusing you of stuff despite them having no proof or even reason as to why they are accusing you of something, then it means that they are 100% doing it themselves. They want a reason to blame you to explain why they are doing what they are doing. Having doubts and insecurities are normal but if it’s a constant thing after giving reassurance then it might be time to start putting on your running shoes and get out of there,” one user said.
Source: Reddit
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